I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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