dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize