She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
