Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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