i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
