I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
