Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
