that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
