he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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