I'll bet she douches with gravy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
and you fell through a lawn chair
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
