tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
