Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize