i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
