did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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