i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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