Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
