the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
