i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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