yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
