After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
