i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
