Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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