I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
