youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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