just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
