I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
