you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
birth control should be required to get into college
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
