Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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