Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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