New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
