insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
