just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
