People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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