between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
