I puked a lego.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
