Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
