Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
