i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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