How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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