You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
