his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
