He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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