he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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