The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
