i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She announced her abortion via fbk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
