I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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