This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
