I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
