are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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