I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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