@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
