dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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