dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
