You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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