I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
time to smoke my breakfast
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
