my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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