Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
