I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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