All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
