please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
