The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You made out with two different species that night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
