It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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