Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He felt like a one man threesome
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
