Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love black thongs
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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