also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
