based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
