I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
