I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
