As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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