dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
