ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
