Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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