My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize