Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
