i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
