I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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