this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
