Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
