he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize