how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
