we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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