he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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