I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
