i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
