she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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