I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
