moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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